I trust leaders, not stories

When someone gets told to do something that they do not want to do, they usually complain. In the complaining, the stories get changed. How do I know this? Two reasons. One, because I have done it before. Two, because it happens almost every time I correct a student.

It happens something like this. I tell a student to stay after school for twenty minutes because they were continually disruptive in class. The student mumbles under their breath and gets mad. Later that day, they go home and tell their friends, “Mr. Hollowell was so rude and inconsiderate. I got up to go use the bathroom, and then he yelled at me and told me to sit down and he gave me a detention. Can you believe he made me stay after school for twenty minutes just because I needed to use the restroom?” Actually, Billy, you have to stay after school for 20 minutes because you were a complete train wreck in class, and your final disaster was getting out of your chair in a disruptive manner and pushing two students on your way out of my room. You do not have a detention for going to the restroom. You have a detention for being a moron.

I have learned that this pattern of avoidance of the facts is not just inherent in high school students. It still exists in 20, 30, 40, and 50 year olds. People do not like to be told what to do, and when it happens, they usually get defensive. I have come up with a policy to help me address situations in which someone is complaining about a leader who told them what to do:

I trust leaders, not stories.

If you are a leader, that will involve you telling other people what to do. But we have already addressed the unavoidable fact that people do not appreciate being told what to do. So what happens to any leader when they start telling people what to do? People complain. They tell stories. They say a simple trip to the bathroom was punished unjustly. And as in the case with the bathroom, they complain only to their friends or to people who will listen.

This is the definitive mark of a story that is likely perfused in half-truths and unjust extrapolations: they tell the story to people who cannot affect the decision. When I hear people complaining about a teacher, a parent, a principal, or a leader, I wonder why they are telling me and not the person who can make a difference. Freshmen tell other freshmen about how unjust Mr. Hollowell is and how he punishes people for going to the bathroom, but they don’t tell the principal. Why not? Because they know the principal will get to the heart of the matter and resolve the issue, and it will prove the student was speaking half-truths.

These following steps will set-off my “I-do-not-think-I-am-getting-the-real-story” meter:
1. Leader Y tells Person X what to do
2. Person X complains about leader Y
3. Person X tells people who can’t resolve the situation, and seems comfortable with complaining about a problem instead of addressing it.

These three things happen all the time in a school and in any leadership settings. Don’t believe what you hear. Believe what you learn. And you won’t learn much by listening to people who complain, especially when they are still upset by a decision from Leader Y.

I trust leaders, not stories. Some stories may prove to be true, and could be detrimental to the leader. But I saw enough defensive students and parents in my short time of teaching to know that I will never know if a story is true by just listening to the person who is on the defensive. Until Leader Y has been proven guilty, the burden of proof lies with Person X, but they usually are not too concerned about providing proof or truth. They are content with complaining about the unjust teacher who punishes people for using the bathroom. That is a much better story, and it helps them with their ultimate goal that began the moment they were corrected: detract the integrity of Leader Y.

There are many whispers that circle around in a school. Most are garbage, and should be treated like such: tossed out the window until something comes along and shows it to be true instead of trash.