OUR GREATEST FEAR: CRITICISM

No one is really afraid of failure. No one has fear of trying something and then failing. What people truly and deeply fear is criticism.

I wrote a math book last year, and when I was writing it, I would occasionally get filled with fear. I told myself that I was afraid of failure. I told myself, “You are afraid of putting much work into this book and then nobody wanting it.”

But when I looked at my fear, I found that I had no fear of failure. My greatest fear was not that the book would go unwanted, but that people would criticize me for it. I feared getting emails that said, “This book is horrible. Why would I ever use it in my math class?” I feared meeting someone who had used the book and having them tell me, “I can’t believe how many mistakes there are in the book. It is embarrassing.” I feared somebody telling me that my website is confusing and useless.

Fear causes a person to cave in on their selves. I often thought to myself, “Why put myself in a position of criticism? Why shouldn’t I just write a small manual for my students? Why should I risk criticism?” The fear at times was crippling, but it was NEVER because of the fear of failure. In fact, the fear actually caused me to occasionally desire failure. I would think to myself, “If I never hear a comment about this book, that is good, because no comments mean that I didn’t make anyone upset.”

Fear is directionless. It doesn’t tell you where to go, it just tells you to stop. It is like the brakes on your car. Your brakes don’t point you in any direction, they just stop you from going in your current direction. Fear is the same. It just causes you to want to stop what you are doing (or what you are thinking about doing). Fear is the opposite of a catalyst. It deactivates, it dampens, it reduces, it diminishes, it halts. A caution sign doesn’t tell you which direction to go. It tells you where you should not go. Fear is the same. Fear is a big caution sign that says “YOU MUST NOT ENTER. CRITICISM LIES ON THE OTHER SIDE.”

People think courage is the absence of fear, but the absence of fear is definitely NOT courage. The absence of fear is “madness” or “stupidity”, neither of which are desirable traits. If you are not mad or stupid, you will experience fear. So what is courage? Courage is the will to act in spite of the fear. Courage is being bathed in fear, and feeling every ounce of its weight holding down your spirit and your will, and still having the ability to act. Courage is seeing a huge caution sign, knowing that the warnings are real and serious, and running full speed with a lowered shoulder and busting the sign to shreds, and then proceeding into unmarked territory.

There is a certain stillness that comes when you embrace your fear, when you let it soak through your every pore, and the crushing weight of anxiety oozes through your body, and you allow yourself to be washed with your fear. Then, once you let it permeate your body, you learn that you are still in control. The fear is real. It is present. It has the power to crush you. But it doesn’t crush you. You still have the power to act. When you learn to bathe yourself in your fear and still maintain your power to act, your power to choose something other than your fear, then you can make things happen. Suddenly, nothing seems impossible because nothing is impossible.

It takes courage to try something new. It takes courage to meet new friends. It takes courage to ask someone on a date. It takes courage to do something that people you love (for example, your family or your parents) will not understand. It takes courage to lead. All these things take courage because they are all permeated with the fear of criticism. If you don’t learn to control that fear, you will never try something new, you will never meet new friends (ones that are really worth meeting), you will never go on a date (with someone who is worth dating), and you will never lead a cause worth leading.

So the question is: have you blown up any caution signs in your life lately and proceeded into unknown territory? If not, you might be at risk of being a stalled out driver on the highway of life, pressing your brakes at every little risk and GETTING NOWHERE.

.....

P.s. One of the best books I have ever read is “Tribes” by Seth Godin. The book is about leadership, criticism, and courage. It is short and awesome, so read it.